I am not angry. I am afraid.

After the events that have occurred recently I may be filled with resentment. Often resentment will manifest itself in different and very negative ways. As an individual who is trying with all her might to be as pure and healthy as can be, resentment towards situations or others can be the cause anxiety & animosity. It can be an emotionally disturbing experience if constantly relived in the mind.


The emotional beatdown is hard.
Beating down the resentment is hard.
Hard is stress.
Stress is unhealthy.
I am afraid.

Why so angry?

It has been proven that the displays of anger can be used as an effective manipulation strategy for social influence. The angry person usually finds the cause of his/her anger in an intentional, personal, and controllable aspect of another person's behavior. It is a natural reaction. With anger, sadness usually follows.




The Dalai Lama's view on the subject:

"Buddhism in general teaches that anger is a destructive emotion and although anger might have some positive effects in terms of survival or moral outrage, I do not accept that anger of any kind as a virtuous emotion nor aggression as constructive behavior. The Gautama Buddha has taught that there are three basic kleshas at the root of samsara (bondage, illusion) and the vicious cycle of rebirth. These are greed, hatred, and delusion--also translatable as attachment, anger, and ignorance. They bring us confusion and misery rather than peace, happiness, and fulfillment. It is in our own self-interest to purify and transform them."

The Catholic Encyclopedia (1914) defines anger as "the desire of vengeance" and states that a reasonable vengeance and passion is ethical. Vengeance is sinful when it exceeds its limits in which case it becomes opposed to justice and charity. For example, "vengeance upon one who has not deserved it, or to a greater extent than it has been deserved, or in conflict with the dispositions of law, or from an improper motive" are all sinful.
(And is usually uncalled for!)

...to be ignorant.

"Do not assume that she who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would never have been able to find these words."

-Raine Maria Rilke

"Do or Do Not. There is no try."

I do,
and do
and do
and do.

And there is still no try.
One will not put forth the effort.

The real meaning behind the quote.

Hello World!

I have been thoroughly enjoying the spring weather! New dresses, new coat & some flip-flops! Before, I couldn't say things are great.. they just are. I was scary & damaged.. But now, I am genuinely happy! From head to toe! It's surreal.. I feel so lite. (And I am.. so that is something to celebrate for sure!!) Only dark & twisted left to conquer! Bring It On!!

Word of the day: Unappreciative

I have always been the one for fairytales, happily ever after, and the one true love. When sleep is spread thin, the sounds of reality echo through my head. There is no full happiness, no reward for doing good, no pleasent escapes. I had once pledged the poem below. Only to find that I had no real value in this world. Cursed. The other shoe has dropped.

I love you. It's not a weight you must carry around.

I love you. It's not a box that holds you in.

I love you. It's not a standard you have to bear.

I love you. It's not a sacrifice I make.

I love you. It's not a pedestal you are frozen upon.

I love you. It's not an expectation of perfection.

I love you. It's not my life's whole purpose (or your's).

I love you. It's not to make you change.

I love you. It's not even to make you love me.

I love you. It's as pure and simple as that.

Anonymous

Love is hope.

Hope is no longer there. I believe I have become jaded.

I believe I have been released from my cage. I no longer believe.

No beliefs, unbelievable, unforgiven.

Fool me once shame on you.

Fool me twice shame on me.

-LamaPennyLane

Do with it as you please...

This is the first day of my life

I swear I was born right in the doorway

I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed

They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw

I think I was blind before I met you

Now I don’t know where I am

I don’t know where I’ve been

But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know

That these things take forever

I especially am slow

But I realize that I need you

And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night

Just to meet me in the morning

And I thought it was strange you said everything changed

You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said “this is the first day of my life

I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you

But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you

And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me

With these things there’s no telling

We just have to wait and see

But I’d rather be working for a paycheck

Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides maybe this time is different

I mean I really think you like me

Song by: Bright Eyes

-LamaPennyLane